WebMD Feature from "Men's Health" Magazine
By Daniel Amen, M.D.
Kids have one eye on Dad and Mom, another on Kobe and Britney. Whose example will they follow?
Morality is a kind of navigation software kids download from the adults in their lives. They make their own adjustments, sure, but it's a v2.0, not a whole new operating system. So make sure the kids in your sphere are receiving virus-free code. The best way to do this: Teach and nurture a sense of right and wrong, empathy, decency, and equality. Here are six ways to accomplish that goal:
1. BUILD THE BOND
If you want your children to share your values, listen to them, spend time with them, and encourage them. In the Journal of the American Medical Association, psychologist Michael Resnick reported that teenagers who felt loved and connected to their parents had a significantly lower incidence of emotional distress, drug use, violence, and suicide.
2. SHOW 'EM HOW IT'S DONE
Children do what you do, not what you tell them to do. If you want your children to act with a sense of integrity, you must set an example. So if you tell them not to steal but you have a pirated satellite box, the commandment has less impact. If you tell them to be kind to others but you are frequently rude to your wife, the odds are they will be rude to others.
3. TEACH, DON'T PUNISH
When your kid messes up, your anger won't erase the event; it'll just pile another negative on top of it. After you cool down, go over the incident to see what the child can learn from it. Also, when moral teaching opportunities arise, such as during a television show or when they tell you about the events of their day, use the time to talk about sensitive issues.
4. WRITE SOME COMMANDMENTS
It's often helpful for parents to have written rules posted at home, such as "Tell the truth" or "Treat each other with respect." First, follow the rules yourself. Second, when children follow the rules, notice it and show appreciation. When they break rules, discipline them with love, not guilt or anger.
5. EDIT THE GUEST LIST
New research indicates that children become like the kids they hang out with. If her friends shoplift or cut classes, she's more likely to do so. Use parent-teacher conferences to inquire about your kids' friends, and act accordingly. After school, steer kids toward groups that are properly supervised. Also, arrange events where you'll get to know your child's friends, so you can weed out the bad and encourage the good.
6. MAINTAIN THE BRAIN
Brain health determines how we think and act. Brain illnesses, such as bipolar disorder and autism, are often associated with difficult behavior, and physical trauma can cause problems with judgment. Protect your children from brain injuries (no soccer headers), educate them about drug and alcohol abuse, and get them help for mood and behavior problems.
--Daniel Amen is a psychiatrist, a Men's Health columnist, and the author of Change Your Brain, Change Your Life.
1 comment:
I met Dr. Amen at a lecture he gave and then participated in his brain study of injured and uninjured brains. I learned a lot about the damage that can occur even from normal children's bangs to the head - the kind that happen to most kids who engage in sports.
If you are interested in the brain and how it works, I highly recommend reading ""My Stroke of Insight"" by Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor. It's on the NY Times Bestseller list and it's a wonderful book. Dr. Taylor's talk at TED dot com is also AMAZING! Oprah interviewed Dr. Taylor and you can check that out on Oprah.com. And Time Magazine named Dr. T one of the 100 Most Influential people in the world. Having read her book, I can see why all the attention.
Dr. Amen's book is brain science and it's great at that. Dr. Taylor is a Harvard Brain Scientist, but what she writes about is the science and much more. She really cracks the code to understand how our brains (right and left hemispheres) work and she explains how we can get into our right brain and be happier and more joyful. Aside from any of the science, My Stroke of Insight is also just a great story.
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